Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My hand turned me down
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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