He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
