i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
