I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
