now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
