speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
