yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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