I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You're like the curious george of whores
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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