i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
