it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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