i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
