apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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