wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im holly from the hills drunk
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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