worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
