someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
