my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
