I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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