Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
