i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize