i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Quick, to the slutcave!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
