between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
