Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
