she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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