You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
