I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
