Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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