Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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