Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
