He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
