You're my little dorito
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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