a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
