A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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