I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i came on her dog
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
