TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
