btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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