I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
