There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
