hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
