A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
