So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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