We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize