I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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