you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
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It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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