Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I smell like Dick and happiness
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize