it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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