Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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