Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
