I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
