lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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