So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm both gender and math confused
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
