My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
