I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
