Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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