Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize