Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
