But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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