shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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