But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
