For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
