you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't want my vagina anymore.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
