I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
