There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
