im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We are two peas in an std pod
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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