I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
